Today we’re going to talk about how to get people to like you and I’ll tell you about the 4 most important strategies to get people to like you and how they are paradoxical to the way they normally think of how to get people to like you.
So let me tell you my story. I got my first job out of grad school in engineering. Thought I have to impress everyone. I wanted to rise up the ladder. Only I wanted to be the smartest person in the room. I wanted to be liked by everyone. And to do this, I would talk all the time in the meetings trying to prove how smart I was. I still remember a meeting I was with my director and VPs and other engineers and my director said something wrong which I thought was wrong and I pointed out and said, “No that’s wrong”. Even though it was true that what he said was wrong and I thought in the moment that I had proved how smart I was. I had not really proved how smart I was but instead proved that I had no skills how to handle people.
And I would talk on and on and on in like during lunch breaks or during off hours or even during times that we had together about my interest or the things I do in life about how amazing my life was, my passions, my interests, my hobbies, this and that, my, my, my. I was only interested in what I was doing because I wanted to show to them that I was smart, I was intelligent, I was amazing. I was trying so hard to prove that I was worthy, that I was smart, that I was intelligent, I belong there, that they should promote me, that they should like me.
And what happened a year and half later. I got laid off. Well, I thought these guys have no idea what they missed out on. They had no idea how smart I was or how intelligent I am. At that time I talked to my seniors in the industry and some influential people on how to make things right and they suggested that whatever you did was not wrong but its not completely right. They said you actually are supposed to do the exact opposite of what you had done.
So in order to get people like you, you must learn the habit of liking people. Many people will be under paradox that “you must make them like you”. But, the fact is “you must like them and then they’ll like you”. Because when we like them, they like us. And the truth is can you really like someone by talking all the time or being interested in yourself or proving how good you are or proving how important you are. Absolutely No!
There are four key strategies achieve this.
#1 Become genuinely interested in others.
You’ll make more friends in two months by being interested in other people, than in two years by trying to make people interested in you. Because the fundamental truth is people are interested in themselves. If only I had the understanding that I need to talk to my colleagues about their interests. If I could only become interested in their lives, in their pains, in their frustrations, in their challenges, I could have become more friendly to them and I could have more friends.
#2 Be a Good Listener
Encourage others to talk about themselves. There’s a reason why we have two ears and one mouth. If you aspire to be a good conversationalist, you have to be a great listener. You have to give them the gift of your full attention. Have to encourage them to talk about your accomplishments, about their well-being, about the things that they enjoy. You have to listen to them. A great conversationalist is the person who speaks less and just let the other person talk.
#3 Talk in terms of their Interest, not yours.
Don’t talk in terms of yours interest. Talk in terms of other person’s interests. That is the royal road to a person’s heart which is to talk about the things that interest him or her the most. Talk about their kids, their family, their health, their relationships whatever it is. The reason is firstly, it gets them to like you. But also you get to learn something new.
#4 To make the other person feel important and to do it sincerely.
This is probably one truth that i completely missed on when I was constantly in my job. So understand this very truth that people want appreciation, people love to feel like they’re important in your life. When you can show it to them that they are important to you, that’s when you become important to them.