The person with a nice guy syndrome is known to give. They like to give things, they like to fix things. Also like the caretaker. There’s a difference between caretaking and carrying. Some like to avoid conflict repress their feelings. They don’t like to talk about their emotions. Sometimes they’re dishonest, quite secretive.
Let’s talk about little kids for a little bit. A little kid is egocentric which means that he thinks the world revolves around him. Humans from a young age are very egocentric. Anyone under the age of 6, think the world revolves around them they will also have a large fear of abandonment and have a fear of helplessness because children can’t do a lot of things on their own.
So something happens like they’re hungry and their mom usually feeds them but her mom doesn’t feed them, they’ll think. hey I’m hungry my mom’s not feeling me. It must be my fault because if they cry and no one holds them, they’ll think it’s their fault. If someone gets angry at them or parent leaves they think it’s their fault. And this accumulated over time creates a toxic shame. They think that everything they do is their fault and someone with a nice guy syndrome believes they are unlovable. They must do things to be lovable.
There’s a difference between caretaking and caring. Caretaking-you give to others where the giver needs to give. You give because you like giving. Caring is giving to others because they need it. They need something so you give it to them at caring. Caretaking comes from a place of emptiness and the giver. The others like, in order for me to be happy I need to give some. Caring on the other hand comes from a place of abundant.
It says ‘hey I have a bunch of this and I don’t need all of it’. For you caretaking also has unconscious strings attached, which means deep in the subconscious level the caretakers saying hey i scratch your back you scratch mine. Caring however is unconditional and has no strings attached.
Fun during world war 2 a lot of fathers left the home quite interesting because we start seeing this throughout history that fathers are not there as often as they should be for their children especially their son’s education system is also dominated by women which they also don’t have a role model at school. And sometime after World War Two, feminism in the sexual revolution became a big thing. Young boys used to learn how to be a man from their dad and Grandpa from working on the farming. In closed environments, this is what creates the nice guy syndrome.
To solve this problem we have to learn to please yourself first. You need to spend time and money developing yourself. It’s okay to be a little selfish and I like to refer to the airplane at an event when you get on an airplane but, the attendant says, in the case of an accident put your mask on first. That way you’ll be better supplied to help those around you.
If you don’t take care of yourself first, you’re not gonna be able to help those around you. It says you should make your needs a priority as opposed to trying to please others and make their needs a priority. How to learn and set boundaries how to express your feelings and resolve conflicts safely is what you have to always remember. If you remember back before I said that the nice guy syndrome lot of people avoid conflict this is a big problem because if they’re avoiding the conflict there also avoiding the resolution.